Lullaby
by LightOfDarkness
Summary: Songfic to "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park. Yugi has resorted to doing some dangerous things to cover up his guilt about Battle City, and almost kills himself in doing so. Rated for drug use.


LOD: I have finally written another story!!  
  
Kahti: You mean, you finally finished one, without giving up hopelessly?  
  
LOD: ...Shut up.  
  
Kahti: Ha! I'm right!  
  
Rhapsody: Hehe...  
  
LOD: Well, thank you, Rhapsody, for your lovely muse talents.  
  
Rhapsody: You're welcome.  
  
LOD: Anyway, who's doing the disclaimer?  
  
Kahti: Our friend, Amaera, from www.gaiaonline.com!  
  
Amaera: LightofDarkness does not own Yu-Gi-Oh in any way, or the drug mentioned.  
  
Kahti: That's me...  
  
LOD: 0o;  
  
Rhapsody: OO;  
  
Amaera: 00;  
  
Kahti: ; On with the fic!

----------------

The bed sheet felt strangling, clinging to his body, tangling up his legs. Yugi kicked the offending blanket off the bed, and instantly his hot spell turned cold, leaving him shivering.  
  
Either way, Yugi couldn't sleep. His mind kept showing him scenes from Battle City. Even though the tournament had been over for nearly three weeks, it still haunted Yugi.  
  
Yugi opened the link he had to Yami, saw the spirit was asleep, then closed it. After the yami's were given separate bodies, Yugi had cut off his link to Yami, so the spirit couldn't see what he did when they were apart.  
  
Getting out of bed, Yugi laid on his stomach and pulled a shoe box out from under his bed. He sat on the floor as he opened the box, revealing a couple syringes and some bottles of a clear liquid.

---

Memories consume

Like opening the wound

I'm picking me apart again

You all assume

I'm safe here in my room

[Unless I try to start again]

---

Using a belt as a tourniquet, Yugi found a vein in his arm and stuck the needle into it, injecting a dose of the drug into his bloodstream. He waited; needle still in arm, until the effect of the substance hit him.  
  
Colors swirled before Yugi's eyes. Removing the needle, he half-heartedly tried to catch them, before lying on his back on the floor, looking at the ceiling. His violet eyes seemed to glow as he witnessed sights that defied all laws of nature. Yugi's skin glistened with perspiration, his chest heaved with each breath.  
  
Lights exploded twisted creatures of heaven and hell fought each other, neither side seeming to win. Yugi watched all this with strange intensity, as if the hallucinations would save him from something. They probably already have.  
  
The visions faded o the background as the voices came. This wasn't Yugi's favorite effect of the drug, but he endured it. Barely.  
  
Words whispered in Yugi's ear like so many insects:

---

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

---

"It's your fault"  
  
"Yugi, you're my best friend."  
  
"I send your mind to the shadows!"  
  
"Yugi! Help me!"  
  
"We're in this thing together, Yugi."  
  
"Yugi, you're been acting strange lately."  
  
"My Pharaoh."  
  
"Your Millennium Puzzle will be mine!"  
  
"Yugi..."  
  
"Yugi?"  
  
"Yugi!"  
  
"Shut up!" Yugi gasped, curling into a ball, sobbing. The voices of Yami, Joey, Malik, Tea, and Kaiba continued to speak, along with darker, evil voices. Voices that made Yugi feel weak, worthless. He felt pathetic, wishing he hadn't taken the drug, wishing the high was over.  
  
As soon as the voices came, they left, replaced by one soft voice, singing a lullaby. Tears streamed from Yugi's eyes as the face of his mother appeared to him, smiling and singing in her soft voice.  
  
Yugi raised his arms, trying to touch the image of his mother, to hold her tight to him. But she stayed just outside his reach. Her sweet song filled Yugi with happiness, longing and sorrow.  
  
With tears on her own cheeks, Yugi's mother faded away. Yugi cried out, the pain of reality catching up with him.  
  
Then came the fall.  
  
Breathing hard, Yugi clutched at the air, trying to scream, but no sound came from his throat. The room spun in a sickening display of color and light. It felt like every person in the world was calling out to him, each one trying to be heard over the other.  
  
Yugi tossed about, sweating, voiceless. Then, he lay still, catching his breath.  
  
The entire high had lasted two hours.

---

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright

So I'm

Breaking the habit

Tonight

---

Something wasn't right. Yami glanced at Yugi as the boy talked to Joey, Tea and Tristan. There was a strange vibe, Yami didn't like it.  
  
Yugi seemed normal enough. They were hanging out in the Game Shop. When Joey and Tristan carried on as they always did, he laughed along with everyone else. But every so often, when he thought no one was looking, Yugi got a sad expression on his face, as if something pained him.  
  
Ever since Yami received his own body, he has felt cut off from Yugi. Maybe he was supposed to feel this way, but Yami still disliked it. It was almost like Yugi tried to avoid Yami, the spirit didn't even see Yugi as much as he wanted to.  
  
Now that he thought of it, Yami had noticed Yugi tried to be alone, to get away from everyone else, not just Yami. Yami knew Yugi needed his space, but this was unusual.  
  
Thinking back, yami remembered Yugi's detachment started early, before the separation, right after Battle City. Could his behavior be a result from the nightmarish events of Kaiba's tournament? Yami would have to find out the answers for himself.  
  
Yugi excused himself, saying he wasn't feeling well. As he walked upstairs to his room, yami became aware more than ever of the lack of a solid mind link between them. It was another f Yugi's actions that made Yami feel horribly alone.  
  
"I hope Yugi isn't sick," Tea said. Joey nodded.  
  
"Yeah, he might miss our trip to the museum tomorrow if he is." Joey said.  
  
"Do you know if he's okay, Yami?" Tristan asked.  
  
Yami shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. Yugi hasn't seemed like himself for a while now, though."  
  
"I'm not the only one who's noticed that?" Tea asked. "I was hoping it was my imagination."  
  
"No," Joey said. "We all have noticed it. You sure you don't know anything, Yami?"  
  
"I wish I did know something." Yami answered, his eyes on the stairs Yugi was just on. "I do know this started after Battle City, and Yugi has closed our mind link."  
  
"But, why?" Tristan asked.  
  
Yami looked at him, his eyes showing his concern. "That is one of the many things I want to know for myself."

---

Clutching my cure

I tightly lock the doors

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more

Than anytime before

I had no options left again

---

This high was worse then the others. The voices seemed to scream at Yugi, blaming him, calling for his help, laughing. The sounds of Joey's words were the loudest.  
  
"Don't worry, Yug, I'm here for ya."  
  
"We're in this thing together."  
  
"Yugi! C'mon!"  
  
"Hey Yugi, look at this!"  
  
"Why didn't you stop him, Yugi?"  
  
Yugi's eyes widened and he started shaking as the voice that sounded like Joey continued.  
  
"You coulda helped me, Yugi."  
  
"You were right there."  
  
"It hurt so much."  
  
"You watched me fail"  
  
"Why didn't you do anything?"  
  
"I thought we were best friends."  
  
"We were," Yugi whispered. "We still are!"  
  
But his words had no effect as Joey's voice vanished, leaving Yugi alone. The vision of Yugi's mother didn't even show up this time, there wasn't anything to save Yugi from the pool of despair he was drowning in.  
  
Shivering uncontrollably, Yugi wrapped his blanket around his huddling form, trying to warm up the coldness he felt inside.

---

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize that

I'm the one confused

---

The gang said their good-byes to Yami and departed. Yami once again felt the horrible emptiness inside. He wanted to go talk to Yugi in private, to ask what was wrong, and see if he could help in any way.  
  
But then again, maybe Yugi needed this time by himself. He had to share all his time with Yami for over a year, and now that they were separate, maybe he was trying to make up for lost time.  
  
Maybe Yami was overreacting. But that didn't make him feel any better. He couldn't help but worry about Yugi. It couldn't be healthy, spending hours inside one's room.  
  
Meanwhile, Yugi was laying on his bed, crying. It hurt to see his friends now. Every time he looked at one of them, he was reminded of all that had happened to them. Joey and Mai were the worst, Yugi kept envisioning them laying on those hospital beds, their minds in the Shadow Realm, leaving their bodies empty, lifeless.  
  
After Battle City ended and the bad guy defeated, a way to separate the spirits from their hosts was found. Yugi was delighted, along with Yami. They went through with it, and even though the pain was so intense, Yugi felt he was going to die, it was worth it. Or so he thought.  
  
Without Yami, Yugi couldn't defend himself from the guilt he felt. In Yugi's mind, it was his own fault Battle City turned out the way it did. He could have prevented everyone from getting hurt, but he didn't. it was a fact that pushed Yugi into depression and self-loathing.  
  
Then, he discovered the drugs. The first time was wonderful. It was in a backroom at a dance club he reluctantly had gone to. Yami had wondered about the abrupt change in attitude afterwards, but he soon forgot about it, glad that Yugi seemed to be enjoying himself.  
  
Yugi had needed more. The dealer seemed all too willing to help Yugi with hi problems. He was a fan, and gave Yugi a discount. Still, all of Yugi's allowance went into his fixes.  
  
To keep this a secret from Yami, Yugi cut their mind link. Yami was confused, Yugi knew he had noticed, but the spirit didn't question Yugi's actions. And keeping his habits hidden from the others was easy enough to do.  
  
All Yugi really anted was an escape from the pain of living. Although the crash hurt, the overall high made up for it. Yugi looked forward to his next fix, when he could see his mother once more. She was always forgiving, always non-judging. But without the drug, Yugi couldn't remember what she looked like. It was a main reason he kept taking the drug.  
  
She didn't come this time, though. Yugi figured he didn't take enough, he'll use more next time...

---

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know what I instigate

Or say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright

So I'm

Breaking the habit

Tonight

---

Yami watched as Yugi left the dinner table, returning to his room. The spirit sighed.  
  
The trip to the museum wasn't as wonderful as it could have been. Yugi didn't seem to be with the group, his mind was constantly wandering. They visited the new Inca exhibit. Joey made jokes about ancient spirits of human sacrifices and cannibals coming back to life in items. Tea threatened to throw up, while Tristan just threatened. Yami had laughed, but Yugi didn't seem to notice what was going on around him.  
  
Overall, Yami enjoyed it, but Yugi's quietness worried him even more. Even Joey's worst punch lines did nothing to distract Yugi from his thoughts.  
  
Yami cleared the table. Gramps was out of town that night, on some business trip. Piling the dishes in the sink, a sudden touch in his mind made Yami freeze. Yugi had opened a tiny mind link, then tried to close it, but failed, just barely though. The plates shattered as they hit the ground, falling form Yami's numb fingers. He ran upstairs, his heart pounding.  
  
Yami tried to open the door to Yugi's room, but found it was locked. He stepped back, and aimed a blast of energy at the door, smashing it into a rain of slivers. Yami ignored the flying chunks of wood and hurried into Yugi's room.  
  
The first thing Yami saw was Yugi sitting on the floor, a shoebox at his feet, and a needle in his arm. Yami was at Yugi's side in an instant. He removed the syringe and belt that was tied around Yugi's upper arm.  
  
Yugi wasn't unconscious, but he wasn't awake, either. His fevered violet eyes stared at the ceiling, and he was muttering incomprehensive babble. Yami, not knowing what else to do, shook Yugi gently.  
  
"Yugi!" Yami said, voice strained. "What did you do?" Yugi seemed to answer, and Yami put his ear to Yugi's mouth to catch the words.  
  
"I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop it. No, Joey! Don't...do..."Yugi's head rolled from side to side, then he sighed  
  
"Mom... Please, come back." Yugi whispered. Yami knew Yugi needed help, and stood to go get help when he saw what was on the wall.  
  
Scrawled in black marker were the words "I'm not worthless," crossed out in what looked like blood. Yami now saw Yugi's fingers were bloody. The spirit frantically got to a telephone and called the emergency number. Soon, ambulance sirens could be heard.

---

I'll paint it on the walls

'Cause I'm the one at fault

I'll never fight again

And this is how it ends

---

Yami sat in the waiting room, fighting the urge to send the nearest doctor's mind to the Shadow Realm if they didn't tell him how Yugi was. He had called all of their friends, after contacting Yugi's grandpa, who was getting on the next flight home as soon as possible.  
  
"Yami!" Yami looked up as Joey approached him, followed by Tea, Tristan, and Ryou. "What's going on, man? Where's Yugi?"  
  
"He's being taken care of," Yami answered, glad he wasn't alone in this. "I'm waiting for more details."  
  
"What happened to him, Yami?" Tea asked. Yami looked away, not meeting their eyes.  
  
"Drug over-dose." He muttered. Everyone's eyes widened, Tea's hand flew to her mouth and Ryou gasped.  
  
"But," Tristan said. "How did that happen?"  
  
"Yugi has been doing this for a while, it seems." Yami said slowly, as if each word pained him. "And I never knew. He might die, and I could've prevented this." Yami's voice cracked , and he squeezed his eyes shut to keep from crying.  
  
Tea embraced Yami. "No, it isn't your fault, it's all our faults."  
  
"Yeah," Joey said. "We all knew something was going on, and we just sat back and did nothing."  
  
"Guys, it's the doctor!" Ryou said, pointedly. Indeed, a man in a white uniform walked up to them. Yami wiped his eyes and stepped forward.  
  
"Is he- is Yugi okay?" Yami asked. The doctor nodded.  
  
"He will be. We managed to flush most of the drug out of his system, but he still needs time to recover. If your brother proves to have a physical dependency on these drugs, he may have to go to a rehabilitation center."  
  
"Can we see him?" Joey asked.  
  
The doctor smiled. "Only family members at this time can visit, sorry. Once we know Yugi is past critical condition, we'll allow you in."  
  
Yami blinked. "So, I can go see him?" The doctor nodded again.  
  
"Yes, but please be quick, he needs rest."  
  
The doctor showed Yami which room Yugi was in. The sight of him in the hospital bed nearly caused Yami to break down in tears. There were things attached to Yugi's arms, chest, neck and head, connecting him to a machine. Yugi looked so helpless.  
  
As Yami neared the bed, Yugi's eyes opened to see him. "Yami..." He tried to sit up, but Yami gently held him down.  
  
"Please, Yugi, don't move. You need to take it easy, conserve your strength."  
  
"Yami," Yugi's hand sought Yami's and the spirit took hold of it. "Yami, I'm so sorry."  
  
Yami shook his head. "No, Yugi, if anyone should be sorry, it's me."  
  
"No." Yugi said urgently. "It's my fault. I tried to make it better, but I only messed it up, like- like always."  
  
"What do you mean?" Yami asked. "You didn't mess anything up."  
  
Yugi attempted to laugh, but could only wheeze before he answered. "I've ruined everyone's life, they must hate me. I know I do."  
  
"Yugi," Yami said. "Everyone is here because we're worried about you. We could never hate you. And if this is about Battle City, I can assure you, everyone is proud of what you did."  
  
Tears ran down Yugi's face. "They, they're here?"  
  
Yami nodded. "Of course. We all care about you, Yugi." He leaned over and hugged Yugi, careful of all the wires and straps.  
  
"Yami?" Yugi whispered when Yami pulled away. "Will you stay here, with me?"  
  
A smile crept onto Yami's face. "I'll be glad to."  
  
They sat in comfortable silence until Yugi seemed to drift off into sleep. Yami unconsciously began humming a tune he never heard before, but liked the sound of nonetheless.  
  
A noise caused Yami to stop, and he saw Yugi's eyes were wide open and he was crying again.  
  
"That, that song," Yugi whispered. "My mother used to sing it to me, I could only see her when I was, when I was high."  
  
"Shh..." Yami said softly. "Go back to sleep." Reaching into Yugi's mind, he gently put the boy into a restful sleep. Then, remembering Yugi's words, Yami unlocked a memory buried deep in Yugi's subconscious, one of a beautiful woman singing a lullaby...  
  
Yugi's face smoothed as he dreamed of his mother, but his tears didn't stop flowing. Yami sat by Yugi's side until he too fell asleep, his hand holding Yugi's. Everything was going to be alright.

---

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clarity

To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be alright

So I'm

Breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit

Tonight

---

----------

LOD: There, done!  
  
Amaera: I liked it much.  
  
LOD: Thank you.  
  
Kahti: Go to www.gaiaonline.com for a fun RPG experience!  
  
Amaera: If you do sign up, tell them I referred you!  
  
Rhapsody: We're advertising here, now?  
  
LOD: Um, yeah?  
  
Rhapsody: Okay....  
  
LOD: Heh... Anyway, review, please!! 


End file.
